As I walk, albeit not really consciously, towards an important life threshold - at least nominally speaking - I dwell on what was, is and will be, but alas...no answers are forthcoming. I don't really know how it all happened, and I'm not really clear about where it's all leading to. But about the present I know. Be it social ,biological or a mixture of both arriving to forty years of age, is meeting me in a different way than all the rest have - to date. I cannot play cool, forty does feel like a coming of age - am i actually growing up?...am I actually at the gates of mature world? - well if am i want to stay here - at the gate! I never liked mature - or at least quite a number of common understandings i understood (or do i still?) it brings with it. Movement, change, growth, big, loud, bright, colourful, beyond, and joy are what I'm interested in, in no order of preference. But the sort of maturity that does not include these - well no thank you!